So I Want To Marry An Axe MurdererThursday, January 06, 2011
The holidays are over but I can still taste the lingering effects of the season. And I'm not just talking about that holiday lechon.
" Hija, why aren't you married yet?"
" When are you giving your parents 'apo's'?"
" Oh my, you're still single at that age?"
These questions are ultimately followed by a chorus of tsk's and pitying glances from around the room. At this point, the once-upon-a-time-there-was-an-old-woman-who-lived-in-her-shoe tales and other 'single' jokes runneth over.
As long as the shoes are Louboutins, I can live happily ever after.
Photo Credit: Carl Custodio
With all these questions and talk about marriage, I just might resort to marrying an axe murderer to shut them up.
It's getting pretty tiring.
When has it been socially acceptable to ask someone these questions after a month/year/decade of not seeing them? What happened to 'How are you doing today?' or 'Traffic in EDSA was cuh-razy huh?' It doesn't matter if you're my long-lost aunt, a generous Ninong/Ninang, a BFF in high school, an elementary snack time buddy or a life-long neighbor. That doesn't give you the all-access pass to pry into my life.
If I were snarky enough, I'd probably counter that question with these:
" IF you know Diego Bunuel and can get him to marry me, I'd go to the altar right now."
" Wow, looks like you've multiplied your weight by the number of kids you had!"
" Are you sure you can still afford to have another kid?"
" I suspect your husband might be already cheating on you with his secretary."
But I don't have enough snark in me. So, I smile instead. And tell you that I will get married just as soon as my Knight in Shining Armani gets here. I point out that a glow of happiness surrounds you, that your kids are adorable and that he's probably just really busy at the office.
I'm loving my life!
I love the freedom to do anything I set my heart on. I could just drop everything and go to my Happy Beach this weekend, if I wanted to. I like the luxury of having all the ME time I could ever need and not worry about a hundred different things. I want to be able to complete this list before I turn thirtyteen. I want to travel the world before I'm too old to climb the steps of Machu Pichu or walk across the quaint towns of Cinque Terre, Italy or snorkel the Great Barrier Reef or sky dive.
I choose to live my life this way, same as you chose to get married and have a dozen kids. You do your thing, I do mine. To quote Aretha Franklin, R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
Or the next time I hear someone ask when I'm getting married, I'll scream bloody murder and beeyotch slap that person to kingdom come. Just for good measure, maybe I'll follow this advice and punch them, too. In the face.
All the single Sole Sisters out there, do you also get these kinds of questions? Have you punched someone already? I'd like to know that I'm not the only one...
Slightly Miffed but still Fabulously Single,
Sole Sister Chichi
Psst - I just sneakily inserted another song title in this post. If you can spot it, post the song title on our Facebook page and get a chance to win the best face cream a girl can have when traveling.