So I Want To Marry An Axe Murderer

Thursday, January 06, 2011

The holidays are over but I can still taste the lingering effects of the season. And I'm not just talking about that holiday lechon.

" Hija, why aren't you married yet?"

" When are you giving your parents 'apo's'?"
" Oh my, you're still single at that age?"

These questions are ultimately followed by a chorus of tsk's and pitying glances from around the room. At this point, the once-upon-a-time-there-was-an-old-woman-who-lived-in-her-shoe tales and other 'single' jokes runneth over.

happy sole
As long as the shoes are Louboutins, I can live happily ever after.
Photo Credit: Carl Custodio

With all these questions and talk about marriage, I just might resort to marrying an axe murderer to shut them up.

It's getting pretty tiring.

When has it been socially acceptable to ask someone these questions after a month/year/decade of not seeing them? What happened to 'How are you doing today?' or 'Traffic in EDSA was cuh-razy huh?' It doesn't matter if you're my long-lost aunt, a generous Ninong/Ninang, a BFF in high school, an elementary snack time buddy or a life-long neighbor. That doesn't give you the all-access pass to pry into my life.

If I were snarky enough, I'd probably counter that question with these:

" IF you know Diego Bunuel and can get him to marry me, I'd go to the altar right now."
" Wow, looks like you've multiplied your weight by the number of kids you had!"

" Are you sure you can still afford to have another kid?"

" I suspect your husband might be already cheating on you with his secretary."

But I don't have enough snark in me. So, I smile instead. And tell you that I will get married just as soon as my Knight in Shining Armani gets here. I point out that a glow of happiness surrounds you, that your kids are adorable and that he's probably just really busy at the office.

I'm loving my life!

I love the freedom to do anything I set my heart on. I could just drop everything and go to my Happy Beach this weekend, if I wanted to. I like the luxury of having all the ME time I could ever need and not worry about a hundred different things. I want to be able to complete this list before I turn thirtyteen. I want to travel the world before I'm too old to climb the steps of Machu Pichu or walk across the quaint towns of Cinque Terre, Italy or snorkel the Great Barrier Reef or sky dive.

I choose to live my life this way, same as you chose to get married and have a dozen kids. You do your thing, I do mine. To quote Aretha Franklin, R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

Stop buggin'.

Or the next time I hear someone ask when I'm getting married, I'll scream bloody murder and beeyotch slap that person to kingdom come. Just for good measure, maybe I'll follow this advice and punch them, too. In the face.

All the single Sole Sisters out there, do you also get these kinds of questions? Have you punched someone already? I'd like to know that I'm not the only one...

Slightly Miffed but still Fabulously Single,
Sole Sister Chichi

Psst - I just sneakily inserted another song title in this post. If you can spot it, post the song title on our Facebook page and get a chance to win the best face cream a girl can have when traveling.

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28 sole trails

  1. hahaha... i sometimes feel pressured when they do that. i want to have a family too, it's just that i know it will get in my way of being a bachelor. and living like one. lol.

  2. laugh trip ka Chi- Chi, From, "Why aren't you married yet?" it evolved now to "When are you gonna get married?" my usual answer is "Bukas na lang po, gabi na kasi" :)

  3. Haha! Good for you! If you are happy now, that is all that matters!

  4. i got that a lot before but i just waited for the man my of dream. patience is a virtue gyud, dai ;) no need to rush as long as you're happy...."As long as the shoes are Louboutins, I can live happily ever after." definitely true! lol

  5. This is all about CULTURE! Freakin' culture! Was asked some of the same questions. My answer: "Ngayon ngang single ako hindi na ko magkanda-ugaga sa gastusin e dadagdagan ko pa? Baka nabaliw na lang ako!" Hehehehe! They end up shutting up most of the time. Pak! =)

    Ps...This is also a "rant comment"...You know why Chi Chi. =) Thanks for sharing! =)

  6. Whenever they ask me "May bagong BF ka na?"
    Me: depende sakin..

    Taray! ^_^

  7. Oh lady, I hear you! I got the "where is your husband" question more in the Phils than anywhere else, too. Good for you for following your passion and your heart. Happy 2011 & all the best in the coming year.

  8. LOL @ your reply Claire! All you can do is joke and laugh about it, otherwise you'd go crazy. *sigh*

  9. I am HAPPY! If the bold font and the all caps above won't convince them, I don't know what else will.

  10. To quote Carrie Bradshaw: "I won't settle for anything les than butterflies."

    ..and Louboutins ;p

  11. That will definitely shut them up, Mr Caveman. If not, try my suggestion...beeyotch slap them into kingdom come *evil grin*

  12. BET! Magamit nga yan minsan Chyng ;)

  13. Pls pls, pls tell me this only happens in the Philippines! Although I can't blame them because the 10-step program to a life well-lived is ingrained in our culture. I just have to joke and laugh about it and do what I want with my life.

  14. i dont feel any pressure right now! hahaha

  15. i love your article gurl. had fun reading it. =) iba ka tlga gurl. love u so much.. miss yah!

  16. Stay single Chichi...and enjoy life more! or marry a nomad someday hehe

  17. Glad you enjoyed it Chrissy! Love you more, let's catch up over coffee and yosi ok?

  18. Definitely enjoying life Marky!

  19. A Tita asked me questions like that...I told her "Kapag nangyari na yung kasal hindi na makakapamasko yung mga anak mo dito. Wala na kong mapapautang sa yo." She smiled so sweetly after that.

  20. That oughta show her! Good one Kitchengod!

  21. hahaha awesome post. My cousin and I were ranting about the exact same thing last week. We have started getting the question too with a head tilt, slightly to the right and with a look of despair. The divorce rate is 1 in 3 for a reason: People marry too quick because they are scared to be alone. Life is precious and if I'm gonna share it with someone they better be pretty special! Peace out :)

  22. It's good to hear that at least I'm not the only one in this! I totally agree, if i'll be spending my WHOLE life with that person...he better be damn worth it!

    Looking forward to your adventures on Man V Clock, Anthony!

  23. Will do. =) Hahahaha!

  24. Haha! Nice post! I'm kinda new here but I like your blog! Really cool :)

    My older sister is getting married so that temporarily saves me from those questions. But gaaah, it kinda gets in your nerves at times!

  25. Inggit, you get a reprieve from the deluge of questions that constantly plagues me ;( Stop me from killing someone..

  26. hahhaaha so witty gurl...reminds me of my fav writer. love it! and i can relate...ahahahha i heart ur blog already! hehehe

  27. I can relate to this. :)
    My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5 years and that doubles the pressure (esp.when you live in a small community where almost 50% of the population are your relatives). I've been rumored of getting married almost every year since 2008. :) But since my boyfriend started working overseas, I usually answer the big question with "Mahirap po magpakasal mag-isa." :)


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